28 nov 2025, 12:46pm
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a little bit of context before i get into the rant: i just graduated high school (i think you'd call that. i just finished igcses basically) and a few months ago i got accepted into my school/college where i'll be taking a levels. the school follows the uk schooling system, which apparently means they start in august. so as of now, my to-be classmates would already have started their school year and classes. for me, who's taking art as one of my subjects, it naturally means that i'll need to do a lot of catching up before next year january. unfortunately, while my classmates had already started their new school year, i was still in the middle of my old one, not to mention i was going to take my igcses.
so yeah. tl;dr i'm way behind on my art project and im kinda cooked
i finally submitted the plan for my art project to my teacher today, and she got back to me only a few minutes later instructing me to continue with the project. i asked how many preps (a2 papers) she recommended i complete, and she told me five.
five a2 sized papers. 42 x 59.4 cm(16.5in x 23.4in) worth of artworks. it's not a hard deadline, but if i don't follow it, i'm in for a hellish ride next year.
i honestly feel like breaking down. i'm not confident in my fine art skills at all, much less my speed, and to think that while i'm here trying to catch up, everyone else has already gone way ahead of me and i'm only falling behind.
i experienced something similar, but at such a smaller scale this year, with my igcse art & design courseworks. even then, i definitely did not have to do this much in such a short period of time. i don't know what to do.
my parents didn't want me to stay in the house doing nothing for eight months after i graduated, so they insisted i get into the school and just catch up with everyone else instead. i was telling myself too that lots of people often had to enter the school year a term late, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. but how many people can i say were stupid enough to take art and enter one term late, while having really low confidence in their skills?
i could discuss this with my parents, of course. but realistically, what could they do to help me? ultimately, i was on my own. and i always have been, when it came to projects like this. i knew this, but i didn't have a choice.
i'm grateful my parents let me choose art as my career path. it's an incredibly risky one, so the least i can do is acknowledge that yes, i'm priviledged. so maybe if i wanted to do more, i could just cope with this situation i'm in, because i was the one would put myself in it??
i dont know. a lot of things in my life are so confusing this way. at best i usually just push through and hope i survive by the end of it. i don't know any other way.
i don't regret my choice, but i do wish there was a better way. for now, i'll wait until i get back from my trip next week, then do my best to catch up. i'll try to make it fun, so i feel motivated to work on it. i'm pretty confident with my topic this time round (as opposed to when i was doing my igcses this year), so i hope that can help boost my motivation too. but i know it's not that easy, because i still have to account for my energy levels and creative burnout.
i'll use this time before i fly tomorrow to work on my site as much as possible. i don't think i'll have a lot of time to work on it after i come back next week, but i'll do my best to document my project process. i hope that'll at least be an incentive to push harder through the mess.
usually, i don't believe writing rants will help me clear my head. but i realised that at the end of it, i should come to a resolution, like how i resolved to work as hard as possible after next week with this situation. it helps lift a little bit of the anxiety and stress off my shoulders, so i can relax a little.
anyways, i'll hopefully be able to upload pictures from my trip :-) i think i'll work on a photo page so i can easily add pictures as im travelling. that's it for now :-)