26 nov 2025, 10:20am
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even though english is my first language, sometimes when i'm writing my entries here i don't get that impression. lol
occasionally i pause to think about the grammar in my sentence, or if my wording is correct, or even if i'm spelling a word correctly..
i don't live in a place where english is most people's first language, so i feel like my proficiency is limited to media i consume and not actual conversations i have with other people. this pretty much limits my english level in conversations, so if i want to converse really formally with someone, i have to consider my words carefully, especially if their english level is really good ( ;´ - `;) i tend to adjust my "tone" (if u can call it that) to suit the person i'm talking to, meaning i don't use difficult words or complex sentence structures around people i know don't have english as their first language, and vice versa.
i'm always amazed at native english speakers who can effortlessly use vocabulary that isn't commonly used with more casual speech (at least, in my experience). even though i grew up speaking mostly english, i don't consider myself a native english speaker, just someone with english as their first language.. hold up is that the same thing (ㅎ.ㅎ)
the idea of increasing my english proficiency has never crossed my mind. i mean, most people wouldn't think to get better at the language they grew up speaking. but i like writing my entries for the extra benefit of exercising my mind when it comes to selecting various vocabulary and using the more complicated end of sentence structures. believe me i dont text like this lol
im also really fascinated with language, and i like to analyse how different languages might be influenced by or connected with each other. i also discovered how thinking and beliefs can be influenced or even completely different depending on the language one speaks (i forgot what this phenomenon is called, but if i ever do manage to find it i'll try to remember to edit this entry). i noticed that the english that most people of my race speak is usually a direct translation of the grammar of the other languages, but it sounds so natural to me because i've grown up with it.
another issue with growing up in a multilingual country is that im often confused on the pronunciation of words. sometimes two pronunciations of the same word are accepted, sometimes it's a completely separate pronunciation exclusive to the accent, so its hard to tell without looking it up.
there's also slang too. i'm not sure if it could be classified as that, but that's just what i'll be calling it for now. for example, lots of people around me say "search something up (on the internet)" instead of "look something up", and for the longest time i didn't know it wasn't grammatically correct to say that. its super confusing, but it's also interesting to see how english being such a global language means it shifts and takes on new forms in different regions.