25 nov 2025, 8:03am
[ back to blog ]
< previous entry | next entry >
good morning, i slept better last night :-) have a lot of work to do today. i have a rehearsal for our graduation ceremony tomorrow, so i have to go to school this afternoon. it sounds exhausting, and frankly i don't want to see my friends orz
i also have to take a lot of stuff back home from school today, because i was lazy during the exam period and couldn't be bothered to take home anything. i don't know why i'm dreading it. it's like i'm waiting to be laughed at for having to lug 20kg of shit back in one go, even though i dont have any experiences that could reliably back that fear. it's awful. i keep feeling like they're going to ask me why i didn't just slowly take it home over several days either. i hate when people ask unnecessary questions. i can't do anything about it anymore, so why would anyone ask??
times like this where i have irrational fears of trivial things that would never happen, as i get closer to the event it usually dies down and i realise it isn't so bad after all. i know that, but it still doesn't help ease the anxiety whenever my body feels like being that way.
i was doing so well yesterday, i finished three preps of planning and let myself watch a youtube video like i promised, but today i feel paralysed with all the things i have to do, even though i can't do some of them until i get to school later this afternoon. i just have to finish the last two preps, then i'm done with the first half of my project plan. i also have to deal with some commission things that i messaged the client about, so i have to wait for their reply. but i feel like i can't do anything until they reply. the logical thing would be to work on other stuff until they give me the green light for the commission, but i'm stuck here doing nothing, waiting for it. it's not even that many things to do if you look at it, but my brain thinks it is and is overloaded from it.
im still dreading this afternoon. with an event like this in the middle of the day i'm always anxiously waiting for it to come, and i get nothing done. i thought writing it out would help a little, but my mind's still foggy and i don't feel like doing anything. i'll try to take some time away from the computer and let my mind rest, and hopefully it'll clear up and i can start working.