07 mar 2026, 4:40pm
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original post here. blog entry for archival purposes
should i just quit worrying abt the state of my art project rn and just accept that ive done a shit job this time round and might not get that good a grade ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀) i still have 2 other components to this art project that i'll probably start in approx a month's time that are worth 75% of the grade. im just worried this first component wont do well and pull down my overall grade, and its not like other subjects where people just retake the exam
its kinda ironic ngl cuz my theme is around imperfection & exploring the perfectionism mindset in art and yet im literally trying to make the project itself "perfect" lol. if im lucky the examiners will get my impeccable self referencing concept .. or whatever u want to call it
jokes aside i actually totally forgot that this component isnt worth like 50% of the total grade until i wrote that post. ive just been so focused on doing as good as other people's projects, especially my classmates'
now the problem is i prolly dont have enough time to go back and fully tweak my previous work to make it make enough sense altogether. i couldve had more time but i spent too much of it slacking off and yea i acknowledge that but all i can do now is complete the rest of what i can and see if i have time during the coming school holiday 2 do something about it. if not i'll just forget about it and focus on the next component, which is gonna b even worse but hopefully i'll have learnt something from this time
now that i think about it i did have to rush a lot of work and couldn't think about it for too long because i joined school in the second term. obviously thats going to give me a disadvantage but ultimately it is on me for not working harder to make up for it. i did do my best and was in the art studio for as many free periods as i could but i was slacking a lot as well
i think in the end i just gotta accept that this isnt gonna be my best work and even if its gonna show on my cert and possibly change entirely which uni i go to or whatever well.. at least i did something. it was either this or nothing ?? i guess?? idk what im saying anymore
but nothing will change the fact that i still hate whatever shit i made this time lawl. its so weird because in any other context maybe i'll be proud of it but here i have to look through the lenses of the examiners and what i think they want. and i see all these super detailed paintings and art from previous students and im just thinking yea i failed in that aspect. my concept & ideas hard carried me in igcse idk if they will now. my strength is just not in working fast and producing highly detailed work